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episode #348

Interview with Paul Salter: Getting Unstuck, Addressing Self-Sabotaging Behaviors, and Hypnotherapy!

April 16, 2024 in Podcast

Intro

This week I interviewed mindset and performance coach Paul Salter!

Paul shared stories of clients who have successfully overcome obstacles and provides tips for individuals looking to achieve long-term weight loss.

In this episode, we also discuss the challenges of navigating an overabundance of information when it comes to our health along with:

  • the importance of community and belonging,
  • the power of word choice
  • the role of hypnotherapy in overcoming self-sabotaging behaviors
and his one tip to get your body back to what it once was!



Brian (0s):

Coming up on the GET, LEAN, Eat, Clean Podcast,

Paul (3s):

For example. you know, we are all biologically wired to belong. We're a tribal or a community centric species. We all, as a result, possess three core fears. We all fear judgment, abandonment, and rejection. I like to call that the fear jar because centuries ago if you were judged, abandoned or rejected, you got ostracized from your tribe and you either starved to death or you were eaten by a saber-tooth tiger. So as primal as those fears are, they're still as present and true and powerful today just like they were back then. So, we all have our own unique set of surface level fears, the fear of failure, success, connection, love making money.

Paul (46s):

Some of them start to sound, I irrational, but they're connected to this. Will I belong? Will I be accepted? And these fears then begin to manifest as different Sabotaging Behaviors like perfectionism, procrastination, avoidance, numbing, and coping in in other Behaviors under those categories.

Brian (1m 6s):

Hello and welcome to the Get Lean Eat Clean podcast. I'm Brian Gryn and I'm here to give you actionable tips to get your body back to what it once was, five, 10, even 15 years ago. Each week I'll give you an in depth interview with a health expert from around the world to cut through the fluff and get you long term sustainable results. This week I interviewed mindset and performance coach Paul Salter Paul shared stories of clients who have successfully overcome obstacles and provides tips for individuals looking to achieve long term weight loss. we also discuss the challenges of navigating an overabundance of information when it comes to our health, along with the importance of community and belonging, the power of word choice, the role of hypnotherapy, and is one tip to get your body back to what it once was.

Brian (1m 53s):

Really enjoyed my interview with Paul. I know you will too. Thanks so much for listening and enjoy the show.

Brian (2m 0s):

All, right Welcome to the Get Lean Eat Clean podcast. My name is Brian Gryn and I have Paul Salter on welcome to the show.

Paul (2m 7s):

Thank you so much, Brian. I appreciate the opportunity to be here.

Brian (2m 11s):

Yeah, thanks for coming on. Mindset Performance Coach, podcast host. How long have you been coaching for?

Paul (2m 20s):

I've been coaching for 15 years. Which sounds crazy to say out loud

Brian (2m 25s):

Goes by fast, doesn't it?

Paul (2m 27s):

Absolutely does. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

Brian (2m 30s):

Yeah, yeah, it's fun. And I'm jealous you're in Tampa right now, right? Getting some warm weather down there.

Paul (2m 37s):

That's perfect. Time of year here. High of about 80 today. Can't beat it.

Brian (2m 43s):

And you started your Unstuck Yourself podcast, what year was that? 2000? You tell me off here, but I just completely forgot. Yeah,

Paul (2m 51s):

So I've been podcasting since 2018, as I'm sure you can relate to or imagine. The podcast has seen a few iterations. My background, as I'm sure we'll get into, is in sports dietetic sustainable weight loss. So the first four or five years was very much geared towards that. And then a recent shift within the past year to the new title and direction of the Unstuck Yourself podcast.

Brian (3m 15s):

I like to ask this question, what, what are some of the big things that have changed from your point of view regarding, you know, obviously weight loss and diet and, and performance maybe that you didn't have back when you started?

Paul (3m 30s):

Yeah, I mean, first and foremost, let's address the obvious. There is just no shortage of information out there. Think back when I got started coaching, it was ver it was a very advantageous position for the client to be in. I mean, yes, social media brought so many options to the marketplace, but if you look at 10 to 15 years ago compared to now, there's an exponential difference in the number of available options. So like what I've seen is people have independent, independent of what we're talking about, people have such a challenge focusing on one thing, but now you throw a million different opinions and viewpoints into their ear, it becomes increasingly challenging for them to stick to one approach.

Paul (4m 12s):

And I've, I've seen that in and of itself to be a whole separate category of challenges and frustrations that clients have to deal with.

Brian (4m 20s):

Yeah, that's a great point. And it's like this, not only in health, but all over the, I I I, I'm a big golfer and it's like, there's so much information now about the golf swing and about even the mental side of golf some good, but some it's like, can be overwhelming. It's like when you get told five different things from five different people,

Paul (4m 40s):

You're spot on. I love that word, overwhelming. We start to second guess who do we trust? Do we trust ourselves? Now, I can't trust myself. And then we get just stuck in this downward spiral of negative thinking.

Brian (4m 51s):

And also too, it's like you, especially in like the influencer realm, like you have individuals that one minute they're talking, well, they're carnivore, and the next minute, oh, they're adding in fruit, honey and this, and it's like All, right? Like, which way do I go? Right? Like, so I I I think maybe the moral is, you know, stick to what works for you, I guess. Like a little bit of self experimentation and take what everyone says with a grain of salt, maybe.

Paul (5m 23s):

Yeah. And, and actually I, I took this from, from Jordan's side, I think you articulated it so well. He said, you know, and, and I started doing this once I heard this, but he says like, with all the new clients he works with, like the one thing he asks from them is to like audit their social media and that where they get their information, cut out all of the noise for at least 30 days and only stick to what he's teaching, what he's recommending and coaching. That way when you block out the noise, you have an opportunity to go all in on one approach. And for those 30 days, you're gonna probably see a ton of success simply because you're committed and consistent. And you're also gonna learn like, oh shit, this approach is great for me. Or, oh, you know what, I gave it my, all this approach simply isn't for me.

Paul (6m 5s):

But regardless, you get true real time feedback based on being committed to less.

Brian (6m 11s):

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, this overabundance of information can, like you, like you said, sort of get you stuck doing nothing, right? When you have so much information. What, what other obstacles get people's way when it comes to, you know, reaching their health goals?

Paul (6m 26s):

Yeah, I mean, the biggest obstacle is themselves as funny, is it sounds, yeah, it's incredibly true. So usually people get in their own way due to a collection of core fears and emotions that ultimately get reinforced by the stories and beliefs they tell themselves, which then manifest as a cacophony of different self Sabotaging Behaviors. So for example, you know, we are all biologically wired to belong. We're a tribal or a community-centric species. We all, as a result, possess three core fears. We all fear judgment, abandonment, and rejection. I like to call that the fear jar because centuries ago if you were judged abandoned or rejected, you got ostracized from your tribe and you either starved to death or you were eaten by a saber tooth tiger.

Paul (7m 17s):

So as primal as those fears are, they're still as present and true and powerful today, just like they were back then. So, we all have our own unique set of surface level fears, the fear of failure, success, connection, love making money. Some of them start to sound, I irrational, but they're connected to this, will I belong? Will I be accepted? And these fears then begin to manifest as different Sabotaging Behaviors like perfectionism, procrastination, avoidance, numbing, and coping in in other Behaviors under those categories.

Brian (7m 52s):

Yeah, I I've never heard it put that way, the fear jar. Yeah, so true. I mean, when it comes to, I guess having fear of either failure or even success, what can people do to sort of navigate, you know, that and make sure that they don't fall into those, those buckets?

Paul (8m 13s):

Yeah, so really it's, it's taking a, a lens of compassionate curiosity to that particular fear. So every fear failure success can be traced back to one of those three core ones I mentioned. So for instance, fear of failure is typically rooted in fear of judgment or rejection. Saying fear of success can be rooted in fear of abandonment. We think about it like this. If we keep the, the health and and weight related example, if I grew up and my parents were overweight and unhealthy, all of my siblings are overweight and unhealthy, my closest friends are overweight and unhealthy, this is my tribe. As I start taking actions to get healthy, to obtain a healthy normal weight, I feel good about, I'm creating distance between my, my tribe and hmm, I'm starting to feel the threat of potentially being abandoned.

Paul (9m 1s):

If how I bond with my tribe is happy hour every Thursday and Friday eating a bunch of fried food or fast food and I start doing something different, there's an unconscious risk, an unconscious threat that I might be ostracized. So it's easy early on to take those two steps outta my comfort zone, but the further I get, the more Resistance I begin to experience. And our subconscious has one goal, keep us safe, keep us alive, and that will start to manifest as Sabotaging Behaviors to bring me back into my comfort zone. So I feel that sense of belonging and acceptance with my tribe.

Brian (9m 37s):

Hmm. Yeah, that is such a great point. I mean, community is huge and feeling, feeling like accepted, like I think what made CrossFit so popular was the fact that there was that community and you had a bunch of like-minded individuals trying to achieve these goals and these daily wads that they do. What would you say to someone that is maybe in a, in sort of a community that's not maybe serving them, but they don't wanna necessarily abandon that?

Paul (10m 9s):

So it, it's a really great point. I think, you know, I've, I've evolved in my life just as you are just con continuing to get better and better. And I have found that there have been multiple communities that haven't served me. And I remember these distinct periods of time where the thought of leaving left me feeling isolated, alone perhaps kind of hopeless at times. And the message I would relay is there is always a community for who you are and who you want to become. It may not feel like that in the moment. The thought of leaving your community may be one of the most scary or terrifying thoughts and feelings in the world. But there is literally, I mean especially with the internet, a community for everybody, everything, every interest, passion and goal out there.

Paul (10m 50s):

And I think it's okay to maybe not leave your community, which I do think can be value valid, but maybe there needs to be an editing of the relationships in that community and how you spend your time, how you give or do not give your energy to send people in that community.

Brian (11m 7s):

And it's gotta be even more difficult if that community's like family.

Paul (11m 11s):

Yeah. And that's why I like the word edit, because there are some people in your community for, for familial or blood related reasons you can't get rid of per se. I mean, I guess you could, let's be honest, like yes, you could just leave that, but it's probably not in, in your best interest But, it is in your best interest to edit the relationship, how much energy you give with them, how much time you spend with them, what you do or do not share with them, that can go a long way in protecting your energy, your inner peace.

Brian (11m 37s):

Yeah. And I noticed that you recently did a podcast, well maybe it was in too recent or maybe a month or two ago. You talk about like word choice matters. I thought, I thought that was an interesting topic and the power of intentional word choice to unlock your full potential because I think there's a self-sabotage with the way we choose our words, whether it's to ourselves or our ly to other people. What, what, maybe give us a synopsis of, of that and, and how people can sort of u use words that can help, you know, help them achieve what they want to get to.

Paul (12m 10s):

Absolutely. So I remember I, and I can't remember where I found this, but the, the moment I learned it or read it was like a huge aha moment for me. Like there's a reason we use the word spelling to discuss the order of letters in particular words and spelling, you know, the root of that being spell. If we get a little Harry Potter s here, we think about the magic in casting a spell. There's that inherent magic or power in word choice because words are simply the building blocks of our, of our thoughts. When we give enough thought, time, energy, and emotion, we elevate it to a belief. And our beliefs navigate how we show up in the world, what we perceive to be true, what we perceive to be possible. So our word choice literally has a downstream effect on our thoughts, our beliefs, our action, or our lack thereof.

Paul (12m 59s):

And then further down the road, you have your results, your identity and your reality. So your word choice carries great, great weight. And the more we continue to grease the groove of negative self-talk, speaking unkindly or telling ourselves what we can't do, can't achieve, the more we send that negative energy down that stream. So our thoughts become negative. Our whole mental garden, our mindset is just rich in negativity and our actions and habits will be reflective of that, as will our results, and ultimately who we become who we are.

Brian (13m 33s):

Yeah, I I like this topic because I'm, I'm a golfer, but I also coach golf as well at, at the high school level. And this is something we talk a lot about because when you're playing golf, it's like, it's not like other sports where there's actually people cheering for you. There's like no one watching a lot of times, especially high school golf. And so it's like you have to be your biggest, like you have to be your biggest fan and, and the power of how you're talking to yourself as you, as you go throughout, you know, the 18 holes really can make or break whether you're gonna play well or not. And I think a lot of times at a younger age you don't necessarily realize that.

Paul (14m 11s):

Absolutely. And one of the things I like to teach my clients is the pattern and the power of a pattern interrupt. And this is so applicable to your golfers too, and everybody listening like we're we, we all have this inner critic who says things like, I suck, this will never work. That's impossible. Very prevalent on the golf course. I've been there every time I drive, it's like son of a bitch. But what happens is, like, that's a part of us and as soon as we start engaging in that pattern of negative self-talk, you know, our body language changes, our focus changes our mood, demeanor and energy. The moment we catch awareness of that negative self-talk, speaking unkindly, there's an opportunity. And the way that we can bring focus back to the present moment and kind of turn down the volume of our emotional irrational brain in that moment is through the use of a pattern interrupt.

Paul (14m 57s):

And let me preface, this might sound a little silly because it is, it's so silly and simple, but the way a pattern interrupt could be used is the moment you notice yourself engaging in this negative self-talk, you might clap, you might snap, you might literally voice out loud, stop it. And, what that does is create a moment of presence. You bring your awareness to the present moment. You have stopped that thought loop of negativity and you've created a brief moment to redirect it. I'm grateful to be here, I'm proud of myself. I'll get the next one. You can redirect that energy into a positive word choice or positive story.

Brian (15m 36s):

Yeah, I mean these are great things. I, I I should have you talk to my team. That'd be that, that'd be good. I'm, I'm curious, like this whole topic of sort of getting outta your own way, is this something that like you, that ha something that happened in your life that made you wanna get, go down this road and and, and stop helping people with this?

Paul (16m 1s):

Yeah, so I, I like to jokingly say, although I'm dead serious, as I've been stuck in many areas of my life, I've been stuck in an unhappy unfulfilling marriage. I've been stuck in the dating game. But where it first came to me was I was an aspiring professional poker player. So a bit of a detour from my traditional

Brian (16m 18s):

Oh, okay.

Paul (16m 19s):

And I am a voracious reader and stu and notice that despite the amount of studying I was doing, despite the amount of work I was doing with my actual coach, the bigger my buy-ins, the more money I was playing for, the harder the time I was having putting into action the knowledge I had acquired, I was finding myself in these positions where I knew exactly what to do. I knew the right mathematical play, but I would default to my passive lax scarcity mindset. Rooted behaviorsand in the game of poker. Passive play is incredibly costly. I was leaving thousands of dollars on the table and just started to notice this pattern of so many instances after the fact.

Paul (16m 59s):

I knew what to do in the moment, I just wasn't doing it. And I finally got, got the courage to say, you know what, I, I need help. I don't know what I'm doing. So I hired my first mindset and performance coach and she helped me uncover the collection of what, what we like to call detrimental mindset programs that were running in the background. And she helped me have tremendous success on the poker table, but more importantly in my professional and my personal life.

Brian (17m 25s):

Oh, cool. I'm, I'm, I'm glad we, we went down that road. I was not expecting to talk about poker. Do you still play or?

Paul (17m 34s):

It's funny you ask. So I work with a lot of professional poker players. I have, I have not played for two years, but I actually, as of today, I am going to Vegas in a week for, and I will play for the first time in two years and cannot wait.

Brian (17m 47s):

Oh, I'll be in Vegas too, but not in a couple weeks. So I might miss you by a bit

Paul (17m 51s):

Circle back after about that.

Brian (17m 55s):

Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. you know, I always wonder how, what, you know, what hap some, you know, you never know what happens in people's lives to, to lead them to where they are. So you got your first mindset coach for, for was for poker and that sort of got you intrigued to learn about, you know, coaching others yourself.

Paul (18m 13s):

Absolutely. 'cause I, you know, I had been coaching for so long, but through the lens of nutrition, there's, there's, that lens is rich in self-sabotage, the binge eating, the emotional eating, the yo-yo dieting. But that was the most, or the first most visceral instance that I had experienced where I saw I was putting in so much input on the study, the consumption side of things, but my output did not match it. And it reached a point where like I was trying to pursue this professionally full time. I was considering leaving coaching behind at this time. So it, it needed to work. There was no other choice. And I reached a point of just like disbelief and frustration, that sense of isolation, hopelessness, despair that I, I found no other way, but I needed help.

Paul (18m 55s):

I needed an extra brain and set of eyes to observe this situation and help me get out of my own way. And because of the profound impact my coach, who I still work with today had on my life, I eventually reached the point where I had such a passion for the psychology of behavior change. I had seen the profound impact she had on my life. I went all in on that direction.

Brian (19m 14s):

Very cool. And I think you make a great point in that sense that like, I think sometimes people feel like, not that they're too good, but that they just don't need a coach, right? Like and I'm sure you felt that for a long time.

Paul (19m 26s):

Yeah, and I'm Now I am the biggest believer. We all need coaches. you know, I have a mindset coach, I've had multiple business coaches. Like we just, it's the fastest way to accelerate results. Hiring a coach, bar none is that will accelerate your results.

Brian (19m 39s):

Yeah. And, and, and something of that like mindset performance coach does is like what you are talking about is applicable for like probably every aspect of life, you know, as opposed to obviously co you know, like as I'll coach individuals and we talk about, we do talk about mindset, actually one of the first principles we talk about is creating clarity around what they want. But you know, then we're getting into other avenues and But it all can probably come back to this, this sort of like self-sabotage. I'm, you know, maybe some, maybe it applies to some people more than others, but I think in one sense or another out of subconscious is sort of running, running the show

Paul (20m 21s):

A thousand percent And. you know, one way I like to kind of differentiate Sabotaging, Behaviors, I call them, you know, both capital S or lowercase sb. So those, those capital S ones are like the big obvious ones. It's, it's the infidelity, the gambling, the binge eating, the overspending, it's, it's all of those that where, and the addiction is another big one across all multiple realms. So those are the ones that anybody would look at you and be like, like, no shit, you're getting in your own way, like you're doing X, Y, and Z. But the sneaky under the radar ones are those lowercase s Sabotaging Behaviors that's hitting the snooze button, skipping a workout, missing meal prep, it's holding onto grudges and not letting go and forgiving someone.

Paul (21m 4s):

It's making excuses lying to yourself or to someone else. It's those one-offs in the moment that don't seem like a big deal that accumulate to pack a nasty punch of keeping you stuck in this perpetual cycle of sabotage.

Brian (21m 18s):

Hmm. Yeah, it's like a, they, they can create sort of this snowball effect, right?

Paul (21m 24s):

A hundred percent.

Brian (21m 26s):

How can you apply And now? Like how can you apply this to maybe helping individuals with, with weight loss? And I know this is a topic that, you know, we can probably talk a lot about and there's, and probably many ways maybe to get to the, to the end goal. But, you know, what would you say some high level tips would be for individuals who have been sort of yo-yo dieting and, and they're just looking for something that's sustainable and will help them with long term weight loss?

Paul (21m 56s):

Yeah, that's a fantastic question. And the first step is get clear on what is the most prominent self-sabotaging behavior keeping you stuck. For some people it's, if we go through the nutrition lens, it's not meal prepping, it's the binge eating or it's emotional eating. From an exercise standpoint, it might be skipping workouts or half-assing workouts. So get clear on what your Sabotaging behavior is. Like the number one behavior that if we knock that domino down, you're gonna get a positive ripple effect everywhere in your life. So when you identify that behavior, and let's just use the example of, of binge eating for instance. We wanna start to paint a picture like, when is this behavior taking place?

Paul (22m 36s):

Why is it taking place? Start getting in touch with the situational aspects, the emotions that are present. Is it due to boredom, stress, anger, sadness? Because what we're ultimately able to do is if we start top level, we have our behavior here. And for those of you who can't see me, I'm just moving my hands downward. Like we're going to a base of a triangle, but we have the behavior underneath that behavior is a collection of beliefs or stories you're telling yourself. You wanna get clear on these why and how are you trying to justify the behavior or what emotion is the behavior satisfying? Because underneath the Sabotaging behavior, the story and the emotion is typically a lack of something And.

Paul (23m 19s):

what I mean by that is we all have these core needs that are more pronounced in childhood. These needs to be, you know, this need to be seen, heard, validated, to feel connection, acceptance, love and belonging. And typically when we don't have one of our needs met, our subconscious has orchestrated a pattern of behavior to increase the likelihood that this need has been met, or we can at least numb the emotion that's a result. So with binge eating, maybe you have a core need of not feeling lovable, not feeling a sense of connection and the emotion that comes with that, the grief, the sadness is so unbearable. You have learned to self-soothe through this pattern of binge eating.

Paul (23m 60s):

It numbs you, it helps you dissociate. So you wanna start understanding the tangible x's and o's of the behavior, what purpose it serves, how it's trying to help you, as funny as that may sound. And when you have that, through that process, you're gonna get a lot of clarity, a lot of awareness. And, and I'll, I'll pause in a moment from there. you know, one of the things I do in these situations is, you know, I'm a credentialed hypnotherapist, so I'll use hypnosis to ultimately help you go back and uncover the origin of this behavior when it came to be, why it came to be, what purpose it served, how it came to be, so we can ultimately look to uncover it, unlearn it, and then ultimately work to upgrade it.

Paul (24m 45s):

So it now works for you rather than against you.

Brian (24m 49s):

Oh, well, well, well said. And you, me, you mentioned, hi hypno h hypnotist. When did you start doing that and how did you, what made you wanna implement that into your practice?

Paul (24m 60s):

So my, that, that was the primary modality that my mindset and performance coach used. It was wicked effective in my life, like I mentioned. So I spent all last year attaining my credential as a certified hypnotherapist, started and still continue to train under two of the top mindset and performance coaches in the world who use hypnosis as their primary change modality. And I absolutely love it.

Brian (25m 23s):

That's great. Wow. And what would you say, like, so once someone dives into and creates, you know, like we talked about a little bit, creates clarity, understanding, like what sort of those underlying themes that's sort of holding them back, do you find that once they get to that point, you know, taking action and sort of reversing whatever habits they've had is it's that much easier?

Paul (25m 49s):

It's definitely easier, but I'd be remiss if I didn't also admit that sometimes gaining that awareness and clarity can be paralyzing. It can be scary because it is so uncomfortable when you start to get to the reason of why you do certain things and you start to recognize maybe how much was missing in your childhood, for example. Or you recognize that the Behaviors that you engage in now were protective Behaviors out of traumatic situations that can almost put a sense of paralysis in any further action. And it's a very normal physiological response. When we're overwhelmed with emotion, we get locked in that fight flight or paralysis response.

Paul (26m 31s):

So here we're just stuck. We're literally stuck. And that's where having a coach to help guide you create a safe space for support, accountability, and change can be the difference maker.

Brian (26m 41s):

Hmm. Do you have any, like I, I know people like to relate to stories, is there any stories of either clients or people that you know that you sort of, you know, helped get out of this, this paralysis or this this place of being stuck?

Paul (26m 56s):

Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, unfortunately, but fortunately it's a sad story with a very happy ending. And it's, it's sad because it is a, the nature of the story, but it's b it's incredibly more common than we think. But you know, I've had several, several women who experienced some type of traumatic experience around sexual abuse. And one that comes to mind is this woman was normal weight, not too athletic. Growing up, she joined the military, got in the best shape of her life, and then unfortunately she experienced 12 months of being periodically raped and sexually abused. So horrific timeline of events to go through and underneath that all, if we, if we kind of tap into what was going on in her subconscious, she immediately began to form these beliefs that being fit and healthy is not safe.

Paul (27m 44s):

Because for the first time in her life, she was fit and healthy and she got all of this unwanted attention. She was violated, she had to undergo these traumatic experiences. So this belief formed to protect her. She, shortly after that, left the military, put on over 40 pounds in about a six month period of time, and for the next couple of decades struggled with binge eating and yo-yo dieting. It wasn't till we started working together where she finally had the aha and dot connecting moment. Like, oh my gosh, this is when the binge eating started, this is when the real struggle with my weight began. And through some wonderful healing work and some consistency, learning, practicing grace, compassion and growing from this, we were able to get her to a place where, you know, after about 12 months she was down nearly 40 pounds, keeping it off with ease, no formal dieting, just small changes to her lifestyle that added up in a really powerful, positive way.

Brian (28m 40s):

Wow. Yeah, and I, and not to say that that exact story repeats itself, but like some form of that where something early on just sort of makes an imprint on an individual and it affects how they, you know, behave for decades, like you said.

Paul (28m 55s):

Yeah. And, and another just quick one, like I I have a woman as well who her, her dad and her were like this all growing up. Every weekend they used to bake cakes together and go deliver them to the local church, deliver them to community and friends. Her dad passed away at the age of 12. What do you think the one food she struggled binging with for the next four decades was? It was cake. It was a way of emotionally connecting with her dad, nostalgic, bringing her back to that moment. And same thing, once we were able to see that unlearn that start putting in some upgraded strategies to help her feel that love and connection again. It's been almost a year. She hasn't binged since the, the wild. Our subconscious behaves in ways always trying to protect us.

Paul (29m 37s):

And once we're able to identify how and where these protective Behaviors came to be, we have a wonderful opportunity to unlearn them and upgrade them.

Brian (29m 47s):

And so what would you say, like, if you were gonna pinpoint, like what would you say that one of the biggest obstacles that people run into when it comes to getting where they want to go? I mean, we, we talk about sort of how you can self-sabotage subconsciously from things that have happened in the past. What, what, what would you say some of the big things that you, that you run across that really just over and over just keep taking people away from where they want to get to?

Paul (30m 13s):

People are afraid to change. Change is uncomfortable, change is unfamiliar. Your subconscious has a plethora of programs designed to keep you in a place of familiarity, comfortability and predictability. I I literally have this tattooed on my wrist. You can't change unless you change, but change is incredibly scary. And, what we often run into is those first couple of steps of change are easy because they're novel, they're exciting, dopamines, high willpower motivation are high. But after a short while, it's the diet hopping, it's the in and out of relationships. It's, you know, the, the overspending on the credit card or because Amazon makes it so easy, change is incredibly hard. And most people don't take the time to recognize that change will be uncomfortable and unfamiliar.

Paul (30m 58s):

And those who can LEAN in and embrace that discomfort have an exponentially greater choice of actually breaking through that barrier and learning how to make this change more sustainable in their lives.

Brian (31m 11s):

Yeah, that's a great point. I mean, change, I would imagine, especially, and I find this, if I have maybe older clientele that they've been doing something for so long, not to say that you can't make changes, like you said, it just by, I feel like for older individuals that have had these habits for decades, it's that much more difficult sometimes to, to, to make, you know, to sort of reverse those trends that, you know, you've been doing forever.

Paul (31m 39s):

It absolutely can be. And and something I always come back to as a very simple yet candid question I like to ask either those I work with or those who are considering working with me is, are you committed or are you interested in making change? Because there is a drastic difference between the two energetically speaking and how you show up when you are committed versus when you're interested. I'm interested in 50 different things, but I'm committed to like two or three.

Brian (32m 4s):

Yeah. And, what would you say if someone says they're committed, but they're then as you start working with them, they're not really making those changes or, or sort of allowing the coaching to, to sort of do its work?

Paul (32m 20s):

Yeah, it, it's a, it's a kind of an exciting place to be in from my perspective. And that sounds funny 'cause like the clients over here struggling, but, you know, it's a wonderful teaching opportunity to show them just how badly their subconscious wants to keep them stuck and safe. So we are start, you know, especially in my line of work, we're doing a lot of mindset and deep hypnosis work. The subconscious will deploy several different forms and layers of Resistance. So when someone is just experiencing Resistance trying to make a behavior change, first and foremost, it's just the reminder that this is normal. It's an opportunity to practice grace and compassion, but the Resistance is not a reason to give up. It's, it is a part of the journey, it's part of the ascension into the next best version of themselves.

Paul (33m 4s):

So a lot of teaching opportunity comes, a lot of dot connecting aware awareness moments are created to show them, like, look, you've been here before. This is a familiar pattern. You experience Resistance A, B, or C and you wanna regress to all you've ever known. Back to that cocoon of safety, this is why this Resistance is there, this is when it's presented itself. And right now you have a choice you can give into the Resistance or you can embrace it and break through it.

Brian (33m 28s):

Hmm. I also noticed you've talked about people pleasing patterns. I, I, I gotta, I, I found this with sometimes even with myself, you know, where I think we all want, we don't wanna hurt other people along with ourselves. And sometimes that can be as a detriment to, to move on and, and grow. How do you navigate that and, and, and how do you sort of break free from, you know, those people pleasing patterns?

Paul (34m 0s):

First, I think is having the recognition as to why you're a people pleaser. And that kind of goes back to one of those core needs not being met. And I, and I will say this, for those of you out there who have siblings, particularly if you're the oldest, like myself, oldest of four, you are most prone to people pleasing tendencies. And that's simply because when you're the first child and the only child, all of the attention, time and energy is on you. The moment a sibling is born, it's cut in half and it keeps getting cut further and further. So what happens is subconsciously are unconsciously you or your, your mind decides to help you seek out different ways to get more of that attention. You start pleasing others as a means to get your needs met, to feel that sense of acceptance, belonging, connection.

Paul (34m 42s):

And it serves you as a child when you're unable to take care of your own needs. But we fast forward into adulthood, we both know it can become incredibly problematic. I was guilty of this for about 30 years. So first and foremost, step one is awareness. Okay. Like I understand why I'm prone to this. And then you gotta start to dig into like, what does it feel like to say no to somebody else? Is it a way to say yes to yourself? Start to create a sense of safety around putting your needs first, not necessarily at the expense of somebody else's, but you have to be a priority because your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship out there. So, you know, unfortunately it's not a snap of the finger change.

Paul (35m 25s):

It takes some trial and error, it takes periods of discomfort, but it's trying to create a sense of safety around I can put myself first and somebody else or whoever else will take care of putting their needs first as well. It's a little bit of trust, a little bit of surrender.

Brian (35m 42s):

Yeah. Interesting. And I'm sure nowadays, especially with like social media, like people want, it's all about just like getting likes And, you know, I mean, I can't imagine like, you know, I don't have kids, but like Gryn growing up in this social, social media age the way it is, it's gotta take, I don't know if you have younger clients, but it's gotta take a toll in one way or the other on, on certain things like this.

Paul (36m 7s):

Yeah. Like self-esteem takes a massive hit. If you start equating your worth to a, like a comment, the number of social media friends you have, knowing very well you have zero control over the algorithm, zero control over other people's behaviorsand choices. Like you're gonna be stuck in this negative self-esteem thought and emotional loop, which is not a fun place to be in. It's a very tough place to remain. And it takes a lot of work to recognize why do I equate or attach my esteem and worth to something beyond my control, but it's also an opportunity, like how can I take back control, remind myself how worthy, lovable, lovable and capable I am.

Brian (36m 48s):

Yeah. And I also think like it's good to take a break from social media And, you know, like I've done that myself and I, I've never been one. I'm not like sitting there all day scrolling, but like, you know, it it, it just grabs you, right? Like anything else, it grabs your attention and takes you away from other things. And I've just like, I've had trouble logging into like Instagram. I'm like, I'm a moving away from it for like two weeks and I'm like, I don't really miss it that much at all.

Paul (37m 19s):

Yeah. I try to take a 24 hour fast every week from social media. I'm been fairly successful as of late and I just feel so much freer on those days.

Brian (37m 29s):

Yeah. Yeah. That's, that would be a recommendation of mine. And one last topic, I I, I noticed superpower, all high performers possess, I'm curious to know, and you just did this recently, but I'm curious to know what, what was what that is?

Paul (37m 43s):

It's the ability to take action when emotion or negative emotions or fear are present. Mm. And it's recognizing that it's okay to feel scared. That's normal. you know, the Bill Gates, the Oprah Winfreys, the Elon Musk of the world, they all feel scared, but they take action anyway. And if we recognize that at its core, like the root derivative of the word emotion is energy in motion. The way I like to think about it's how can we re redirect that energy and use our feelings as fuel to take the action anyway, even if it's scary or it's hard.

Brian (38m 21s):

Yeah, no, that, that makes a lot of sense. I mean, this can all equate to golf. So that's why I, I like every time you say something like, oh, that, you know that that works. 'cause you know, in go, I always tell tell the kids the best way to feel more comfortable on the golf course is in competition is to actually put yourself in that com competitive environment more and more. 'cause playing with your buddies, it's just not the same.

Paul (38m 46s):

And you'll find it's in, I love that you said that, especially 'cause golf, just like you mentioned, like there's, there's not necessarily a lot of spectators at times and like you are the only one at the tee box. Like some of the greats, like they create a game within the game. you know, you think of Michael Jordan, he created all of these false narratives and stories just to give him a mental edge, to redirect his feelings, his fuel and energy. And I can't help but think that's wildly valuable and productive on the golf course too. It's you against you and how can you craft a narrative to better harness any excitement or nervous energy to put toward forth towards your focus.

Brian (39m 21s):

Yeah, no doubt about it. I mean, it is just like, it's a mental game of just trying to, to gain some type of edge and especially when you got no one else around to, to give you a, a pick me up, you know? So yeah. I lo I love this. I mean, I feel like we could talk for a long time on this one, one last question, and we've probably answered it maybe one way or the other, but maybe you'll come up with something else. But what would be one tip you'd give an individual who is looking to get their body or their mind back to like what it once was, like 10, you know, 15 years ago maybe in their prime,

Paul (39m 60s):

Trying to, to best answer

Brian (40m 1s):

This

Paul (40m 3s):

As possible, I would say, I mean, start, you have to start and getting clear on the one low hanging fruit action step that you can take to build positive momentum, to create that upward spiral effect rather than the downward snowball we've spent most of this time talking about start one single low hanging fruit action step.

Brian (40m 24s):

I love that. Yeah. That's something that I, I actually talk a lot about is just creating that momentum.

Paul (40m 29s):

Yeah.

Brian (40m 30s):

Yeah. Well, Paul, this was great. Where's the best place for people to find you?

Paul (40m 35s):

Yeah, Instagram is the best place at Paul Salter coaching is, I'm on there every single day except one that one day a week. Like I mentioned, plenty of just free education value there that I love to see and hopefully provide some value for you on Instagram.

Brian (40m 50s):

Yeah. Well, you've provided a lot of value today. I, I appreciate it. And the Unstuck Yourself podcast, check it out. I'm gonna definitely look into it and, and, and start listening. I I love the, these topics and these are things that you can apply in any aspect of life, so.

Paul (41m 4s):

Yeah, absolutely. Well, thank you so much for having me, Brian. I appreciate the opportunity.

Brian (41m 8s):

Yeah, thanks for coming on.

Paul (41m 10s):

Absolutely.

Brian (41m 13s):

Thanks for listening to the Get Lean Eat Clean Podcast. I understand there are millions of other Podcasts out there, and you've chosen to listen to mine and I appreciate that. Check out the show notes at Brian Gryn dot com for everything that was mentioned, In, this episode. Feel free to subscribe to the podcast and share it with a friend or family member that's looking to get their body back to what it once was. Thanks again, and have a great day.

Paul Salter

I help high-performers unstuck themselves and unlock their full potential.

https://instagram.com/paulsaltercoaching/

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